||15-2-2012 at 04:06 AM
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||Writers Cramp (4 Posts)
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||Not exactly sure.. (22-2-2010 at 09:17 PM)
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|Wanna know about me?
|Well, to start off, my name is Lena. I'm a writier, and a singer. I have a twin sister and were very close. She's my bestfriend ! (: I'm a pretty
outgoing person. And there's one thing you should get right before talking to me. I am a lesbian. No question about it. I have been for a while now.
And it wont change. Trust me, people have tried. So, that's the basics. Anything else you wanna know don't hesitate to ask (:
Sooner or later it has to get worse..
Posted on 12-1-2010 at 01:07 AM
So, I'm sitting here talking to my sister. And I have so many emotions built up inside of me. I can't even get it all out. I've been
feeling really down lately. Missing Nikita (r.i.p babygirl). Whondering if I'll ever get through the pain that I'm suffering at the present
moment in time. I've been doing a lot of writing again lately. Trying to get all my feelings onto paper. Even though it never really works.
Here's a sample :
Its getting harder to breathe
Im alone here
You're always watching
I cant let out a single tear
I wont let you see me cry
Though inside Im dying
Everything I do is wrong
So whats the point in trying
When Im hidding
You always find me
Just so you can scream
And tell me how worthless Ill always be
So now its my fault
I didnt mean to
Im so sorry
I honestly didnt have a clue
You said its too much work
To even be kind
Well I guess Im used to it
I guess I dont mind
Please dont hurt me
I dont know how to change
Im so sorry Im me
But I am, I cant rearrange
Im far away
Im gone, dead inside
At least I cant hurt
I can push everything aside
Thoughts rush through my head
Everything you've said
Maybe I am a waste
Better off dead
I can curl up
And hold myself tight
To keep from breaking
But Im not sure if I can last all night
When your gone
Ive never felt so alone
I must be horrible
I must be bad
I must be nothing
What else could make you so mad?
..so yeah .. as you can see I'm not exactly feeling ok at the current moment. Kinda ready to break into tears. Its only been three months since
Nikita died. And I really haven't been taking it easily. She was my bestfriend for 11 years. And in the end, she turned out to be more than that.
I miss her terribly. And everyday it just hurts more and more. I dont even know why I'm telling all of you this. I guess it's just kind of
my way to talk about it. I can never talk about it out loud. It hurts too much to even think about it. I guess this is just kind of my release. A way
to talk about things without really saying them outloud. -sigh- It helps I guess. But I dont think I'll ever get over losing her..
I really dont have anything else to say.. so thats all for now.
lots of love
(Comment posted on 13-1-2010 at 06:40 PM)
Thanks Lily. But you know I won't be alright for a long time.
(Comment posted on 13-1-2010 at 02:02 AM)
you'll be okay,,, your twin sister see's your future,, and no matter how dark you think it may be,, its gonna be bright