Life sucks and everything hasn't been going good for me. Mother and sister are figthing about a guy. School has been and should be alright. I've started to get restless and I've got some memoires back. It makes me look at the stars; their beautiful. Then makes me think whats out there? Then anywhere than here! I've probably been sitting out here for to long, the cold air has made my face extremely red and I may have frost bite. Maybe I need a drink? On second thought I wish everyone a good night. I'm going to bed for today.

Mood: Bored; restless

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It feels like I haven't written here in a very time, so many things happen in such a short time. A member in my family die three weeks ago, my job hours change, half of my friends move to transfer to school, my sister inviting boy after boy to her school and not one of them is her boyfriend their her best friends; I know, I been having one thing after another and I wish I could have written it down.
I make this short and wish everyone a Happy Thanks Giving; I’ll talk about today, tomorrow.

Mood:...

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Has anyone ever about the 3 dreams true you get in live before you die. A sister (friend) of my mine from my crew told me about it, she says she got it from a manga (comic) but it turns out to be true in some religions. She from what she read about in her search she said that people get only three true dreams. Before a person is born, that person is asked what are the three dreams that they want in life and want to dream about, when they’re born they forget all about those dreams that they wish for. She...

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We loss a friend of the family last week, my mother took it pretty hard but she a little better. My family is a bit different now. The friend that was lost was a real close friend of hers and I guess he was more apart of the family, than the family itself is. We don't talk about the subject, it a hard subject to everyone but me. I don't remember the man very well. I haven't seen this person in four years while my family had seen him all the time. I wish John peace. Who die in a coma and peace...

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Did you know when you don't speak for a long, theres so may wonderful noises around you. You keep quiet long enough you'll hear melodies. Then you notice that when you don't talk you have your own melody with words in your head, but those who don't have a voice to talk with have just have a melody. Yet you'll understand that their melodies were made to have vocals. You can hear it in the music.

Mood: Wonder

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I have been in a space out state where no one has notice fully. I've went to class, eaten, done my chores, and lots of other things. Time have been so long but it's really short. I'm glad no one notices it, not even the few who know me more then the people in my classes. I thinking alot and then I think of nothting, if its even possible. I want to rest and yet that never will happen, everything needs to keep going and moving or those things around us move forward and leaves us behind. Moving forward right now just suck...

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Things are the same nothing has change, but the days are getting longer. I saw a dead body yesterday when I was riding home. It was an African American, police were everywhere and it was raining. It had just happen when I got to the corner but I didn't see who was the shooter. My mom was with me cause my bike had something wrong with it, so it was in the shop. I didn't get to see the guy's face but I guess somewhere from 25-35 years old. I watch the TV later yesterday to know his name what there was no...

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You know how songs sometimes fit in with how your life is going. And no matter what there always a song to relate. Even if it's one word like the title or many words like the lyrics in those songs. You sometimes can here pain, happiness, sadness, loniness, etc... It doesn't matter you can hear it. No body's Home a title and song that best discribes what happens in my home, through were in this house, it's empty, the meal are empty, and even if where here, fight is whats left, this place is not a home, it cold and empty no...

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Been at work since school been over and I haven't call anyone noteven my crew but then again they might be having fun, so why call them. Half of my family went to different place in the world, and I was just told yesterday. Plus I just told my mother it was me who bursted the window a few months ago and I told her how I broke it, I punched it. She was surprised that I didn't get any glass in my hand. I told her about most of the stupid shit, I have done. Like about the time I was working...

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Yesterday night my sister and I had a conversation instead of fighting with each other for once. We talked as if we little kids again before any miss uinderstand began. We talked about school, our grades, including college and if we don't finish it. We talk about her growing up and not acting like a little kid crying for candy everytime she got mad, we talked about how scared she is about of growing up, how I was as a kid. Many things that I think helped her up. She ask me if I was going to grow out be hollow and emotion,...

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I know I not like other girls for the way I act to other things but I not like other humans for many things. I know there are people like me that went through the same things. I know I'm not alone in this world that is so deliberately divdied. I found this understanding before Zeek's death before I even came here, I just chose to ignore it, for I thought that it would go away. But it hasn't, every year it gets worst. It started when I was little and it continues on to today. I know I'm emotionless and I...

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Last Sunday a brother from my gang (crew) past away, not what you think real gang die from not drug, or drinking, or gun shots, nothing like that. We're not a real gang, but a group of friends that fight for each other and protector each other. Each one of are clean. In my gang we treat each other like brother and sister mostly because before anyone meet each other, we stood up for ourselves only, then me and a group of friend made a gang, but other call a crew, team and whatever name they would think off.
Well he...

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Weeks still past the same, so far I wake up for my bed and read or do something, and go to work even when I not needed there. I haven't sleept well in weeks and school coming up in a week or two, ppl think I not sleeping cause of school, but so far school hasn't even crossed my mind in a long time, I just give a damn about it. So far school is everyday for me, I always learning so when is school not in session.

Mood: Don't give a Damn

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The last weeks I been in a slum if that is what you would call it, I guess. I been more down in everything than what my family is use to. I even scarier now than was before like when I was little. Haven't gotten must sleep and I don't get much sleep at all, night time is now starting to be a time when I think and my body is tired but my mind in up and runing more then a mile per min. I would like to understand but I think at times but when it about times, all things lose...

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I yelled at my mother today, and while I was cooking I burned my fingers. My grandmother said I got burn because I yelled at my mother, while she was looking at my fingers touching them and laughing at me. I told her so it not like I'm going to cry over some little pain like that, Then she walk off. I been lot of it lately and maybe I still will be. I going to god for sake camp with a family that hates me in 2 weeks and I have no way out of it. Maybe it's a good thing...

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School out for me. I should be happy but I don't know what to feel I going back to that camp that with the family that hates me cause I am not what they would call a civil yound lady ub there eyes.It's been a month since I wrote and I think that been scewing me up. I write just about everything down or draw but I haven't been doing that a lot latly. Lots of times I fought with my mother and sister last month. I haven't been talking to anyone on e phone for a while well least then 2mins the...

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Process reports went out resently and I got good grades nothing went wrong but I think everything will stop, I don't think I make it to the next and I don't think anyhting of myself. i've missed alot of school and the more I think about it the more I know that where I want to be in life will never happen. That door is closeing and I won't see it open again. Its sad when you think about it. But I can really care less at how sad it is but we a little disappointed in myself for being a stupid wench....

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Report cards are this week and I going to get my ass kick cause I failed almost all my exams. My death maybe closer to me then I think. My mother just hates it. She going to put me through the speak ' be more like your sister', it's going to be hell. But then again hell is my life.

Mood: Tired

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I have been getting tired of my mother, telling me this, when it's not what I want to do. I know lots of she;s going through but come on. I need time alone, I don't get any with my sis going in my room every min. My tiredness is getting to me, my sleep has been lost, to only 2h of sleep a day. Exams are coming up soon and I know what she will say, she way says the same thing, "do better and don't disappoint me okay." Can she every be quite or not. Well she'll be coming in 20 min,...

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This is the first I write in two weeks, I been through alot of shit you know, for some reason I was sick and couldn't go to school at all. I went over my minutes on my phone and text for the first time so I got at for the high bill, report cards came in the day after me last entree so right there I got people making fun of me, my mother laughing at me b/c my grades well laughing of prue joy I think. She's was happy, to me notthing new on my grades but what ever she sees I...

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School is one more hou, what more then. I can't go back to sleep. My sister is still sleeping, my mother well she awake, but not watching, I pretend to wake up at the same time as she did so I would get into trouble, I've in so much trouble in the last two days I'm not in the mode for getting my ass kicked. Did my hw but I forgot to print out a report for this stupid test how well might as well print it out while I'm on.

Mood: Tried

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Mother yelled at me today, I messed up up again. She asked me if I was born to make her suffer. I didn't come into life to make her suffer but I starting to believe her. Can't I think for one second before I open my mouth to say something. I guess NOT!!! Why don't I turn mute then she wouldn't get any trouble and I will never speak again. No more, No MORE TROUBLE FOR HER!

Mood: Death should come my way.

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Don't know why I don't sleep, but it could always do w/ me coming home from school and taking a nap. I seem like a little child. But the more I to sleep the more I stay up, to didn't sleep long after school yesterday, but I stood up the whole night. I go tried I don't know what to do. I know if I told my mother she'd kick my ass or something. School is in one more hour yah, not really. I just want to sleep, plus I got a test today. Come to think of it I got work...

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I didn't think I know that but she doesn't have to scream it at my face. I know she hates kids and she hates me too. I don't care much more that, go I'm good. But whats w/ the stick up her ass, I mean I understand she's mad and everything else. One stupid question and the world goes to hell, man can't get anymore worst, but w/ me it may get worst. I mess up so much I think it bad for her, I'm messing up her head b/c I live.

Mood: Which I was dead already!!!!

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I sick to my stomack and missed school yesterday then I went to school for only 1/2 of today. My mother picks me up then puts this caring act, when I'm almost to the house she all mad and saying how she hates missing work and what not. She know I didn't mean to be sick but she still pisses me off.

Mood: Dead and sick

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I not the perfect child my family knows that. I may be a stupid lame brain, fucked up hollow bitch, but when someone can't leave you alone just b/c thay want you to do something for them you get tried of it. For the past 2 weeks people have called me when they never would before, for people who I haven't talk to in about a year or 2. I just feel so.... well I guess stupid, I'm not sure. Mother yell at me just yesterday and today, seems like my sister and changed, like I became her and she became me but...

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I got a letter today from a person I do not, well can't remember, she invited me to her party and I don't want to go. But I know my mother will make me go. I keep thinking what would happen when I get there. I don't care that I can't remember but I don't know who is going to be there are there more people I forgot.hould I go just to be yelled at just because I forgoy a few bitches and basters. I odn't want to get yell at because I can't remember and I got enough stress for not remembering...

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I hate it when my mother compares me to my sister, to tell you the truth I don't fucken care, it just always get me anger because she wants be to someone else. Can't she bloody hell shut the fuck and forget the matter. I don't want a life to tell you the truth I never did. I can, will but I just no use to being told what to do most of my life. I like a servant, one who doesn't really care about those around me. My mother want me make something of myself and be happy but what if I...

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I remember going to sleep without thinking. I had a fight with someone who I knew very well earlier that day. I didn't fall to sleep fast into took time like everynight and much of the time I was in pain as I always am. I knew I would forget everything. Over the years I did forget just not as fast as I wanted, but all it had to take was one night to forget everything about your past. I lost my memory while I slept in that night, it was a wish that was long ago wished by a small little girl,...

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Someone today ask me why I don't cry at all. During when I fall down the stairs and get hurts yet I get up and grin and say I'm fine. I get up and walk away like nothing happen, it always was like that when I was little I stop crying along time ago. There were other reason why I stop crying, I remember always getting very sick, coughing blood, and having very bad headacks that would never stop. I also remember thinking of myself as weak everytime that happen to me and I would spend days in bed yet I would still...

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Today is T.G. and I cooked, okay that is not imporant, this monday I was a bitch and a two-face about me cooking. I don't see why I do this I don't want to but in some degree feeling like doing anyways. I going to school to see my mom happy even when when I 'm sick, but some apart of me just wants to go. The people that think are my friends are there to try and make me laugh and smile but I don't smile nor laugh but if I do ot a grin and the laugh is one thats not...

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Have you every know you were smart enough when you were little. To understand what you were going was wrong. That keeping your family secrets were hurting those around you and yourself. I cause my mother pain yesterday well emotionally pain anyways. I told her when I was older and done with my promise I was going to leave and make sure no one remembers me. I told her it was for the best to be forgotten. I have made bad choices in my life (well 16 years of my life). My mother still hates me for it, but I dont really have...

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The room is spinning on me and once I layed my head down it started to spin faster, I don't know what wrong w/ me, maybe it's a cold or something of well. I talk to Cloud on the phone earlier and she say I can beat the shit out of that baster. Now I can't wait till Monday. I guess two people who are watching out for me made me see that when you want to get even you don't always have to kill the other person.

Mood: Calmer then I was before

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I remember when I was little and MY DAMN ASS PUSSY LICKIN BASTER OF A FATHER told me to get stonger and faster and all that shit. Plus even if it hurt never let anyone see you in pain. Well I not in pain but I'm pissed, the way I act you think I was a gang leader for one of those bad ass gangs but I'm not but no body hurts my gang that like a family to me. I went to school to day and punch a hole on my locker, my friend Cloud got hurt because of my stupidity, when...

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A week of pain and a fucken headack. What next right, well lets just say that if I do get my funnel then my mother killed me. Which she wouldn't do but come on you would think that after the looks she give you and the stuff she rants on about. Yesterday my mother and sister party like there was no tomowwor, plus they brought me along for the ride. There was no school today so thats the reason why they party. Well I say a stupid party I spent my whole time w/ an ice pack on my head b/c I didn't...

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Yesterday I fell down the and hurt my leg and ankle very badly. I didn't go to school today b/c of it. Today I see lots of kids trick or treating and I want to go out with the gang and trick or treating, I don't care that I'm 16 I want to go trick or treating. But my mother is keeping an eye on me, and watching my door. I couldn't get out of my room all day to go out side. My grandma took my sis trick or treating w/o me. I didn't have to dress for Halloween b/c I am...

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I'm empty, I'm cold
This is my life maybe not as it was before
I'm quite, I'm broken
Yet I don't show my pain, my tears, no theres nothing to show
Ready to Die, Keep my word
Fear nothing, yet fear everything, I'd face death and let it come.......
There so much to me then what I see and a mask I hide behind.

Mood: Alone

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Days never end, just this Monday me and my mother, plus a little wench went to see and old friend. Talk about how life is to just us, STUPID think is that we played a game, wasn't so bad but I always got the death cards and everyone was little at me, I was grining. They were looking scare and me laughing in the inside (well what ever a laugh I could get. Tus- Went to school got homework and stay up cause I couldn't sleep. Wen- Didn't go to school, sick to the stomack, then when I;m trying to sleep I get...

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My mother took me to the mail today. Believe me I'm not socail enough to like to go the mail. I didn't want to go but I went anyways. We went to lots of place but I still didn't want to be there then she took me to Clare's, Man I just wanted out already but we paid for things and went. Stupid thing is that some of the things we paid for I may not use at all but my mother paid for them all together. We got home a few min ago and I just went staight to the computer. I...

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My mother and sister took me to a party today. As always I didn't say anything about them and there fun. My mother was need someone to talk to like her old friends and my sister (well), she just need to have fun w/ kids her own age. I sat in a closet and watch my sister play hide and seek and some stupid stuff I once played. I stay in that closet w/ my cellphone in hand and drawed what was on my mind. I wait for there fun to be done. I know they want me to have some friend in...

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I lost my account and I didn't know in till just yesterday b/c I was killing my self over study just to get my mother of my back. I didn't even touch the computer the whole week beside media class in school and I didn't get go anywhere on the damn thing. I was so quite yesterday no where to write my life w/o anyone from school knowing what I wrote. I'm a quite person to being w/ but everyone say that I was too quite it kind of scared them. I know it scares them but so, that me and the way...

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(this is what going through my head right now)
broken soul, broken family
wishing life was never more
holding pain beyound belief
never crying even behind close doors
wishing for death in slient darkness
not a liar but i lie about who i am
never wanted to be the one keeping the battle in my family on hold
not telling people my life is damn
always doing what i'm told
knowing people think i'm an angel but knowing i'm a devil underneath
secert keep forever beyound
the darkness in the mind has a single seat
trust a invisable...

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Tired, nothing here is putting much light into my life. Life at school is about the same. Test after test never stoping, teacher kill us off to get ridd of us. I am sometimes laughing but not a true laugh, I laugh at nothing and I really don't give a bloody hell. My life is broken .Pain is what I felt all week in my ead, legs, hands and much more in ither places. I would say I hate this place that I call home but to tell you the truth I don't have a home. My home was never there. Right...

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My whole week has been like shit. Nothings been good. I didn't even go to school yesterday, I slept all day. Plan in my body is killing me. The whole week I haven't had a good noght sleep well besides yesterday. My grandmother pissed me off a few times this week but I didn't do anything, so did my sis and mother. School has been like hell for me, plus I got 5 reports due next week and I haven't started on a single one , stupid I know. Then Z was going to kill my sister this thursday, but I stop and...

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Today just a fuck up day and it was half a day at my high school. For some reason I passed out walking to my 2 period class when I fell to the floor. Damn it was stupid one thing I'm walking the next I down, but I felt like a little kids when I feel. Like a 4 year old feels when they fall and still wants to play even if they got hurt. Well the 1 boy for my tech class and 2 girl from history walk me to the office to wait for my mother to give me a ride...

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I got nothing to talk about today well not much. It's been so boring I think I was dead but it was a dream and my sister knoked on my door. I didn't sleep much last night. I will think life is life. My mother tells me no one should be a loner and alone, she says I'm wise for me age and I should see pass the betrayals in my past. I do see why but I gave up my happy endings along time ago, these no point to see pass those betrayals anymore cause once those are gone, I got a...

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Today another day. Boring and what not. My mind seems to be going in 500 different directions. School has been the same I told my mother that I didn't care about my grade right in her face the first I did it to and she was mad at me. Oh well, she still is mad at me. I was thinking about getting a new job where I can earn up to 5 g a month and it would help out my mother. Sister has stay out of trouble and I seem to be getting into it. Nothing bad for me but my mother...

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Today in the mail, my mother got a note card with all my grades so far and isn't a reportcard. She is screaming in my face saying why and I failing a class, ONE FUCKEN CLASS. The stupid bitch is yelling about one fucken class like it the worst thing in the world like I don't know shot are something. She say you need good grades for college and stuff life that and now she locked me in my room, that part I don't mine. But for a bitch she is so stupid I think if a car hit her she worldn't know...

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Man I hate it when my family asks about me. My bitch sister was in my room and didn't leave me alone. She asks me 'why I hate everything' the stupid bitch was reading one of my mainy profiles. So I didn't mind, but what pissed me off was 'why' that question. I told her why I hate almost everything she still didn't get it. She didn't want to leave my room, I through her out after thats so friendly question as she would put it. The bitch never shut the fuck up.

Mood: Pissed

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No one calling for the school about the game or dance, so I'm save. Damn I hate my stupid bitch of a sister just an hour ago she disappered from the house, no one knew where she was, but my luck I had to find 20 min ago. Plus she was with her stupid ass of a boyfriend making out in the basement, lets just say is my second room, well library. It's a second room to me when I want to get away from the wench. She was there on my little twin size bed, man if I won't her sister I...

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